two letters

Dear Universe,
Please eradicate the phrase "double trouble" and invent something new for people to say about twins. PLEASE! I beg of you!
Love,
Sharnee



Dear Coyote Ugly,
I had never seen you until yesterday. I watched you over the days breastfeeding sessions (I also watched "The World's Worst Sex Change Surgeon" documentary which was much better than you!). You were a pretty crap movie and I think John Goodman was relatively justified in being upset by seeing his daughter whoring it up on the bar. And.... holy shit.... that was Tyra Banks? She looked so different.

You have not dated well, Coyote Ugly.
Sharnee

Missing MC

I miss Masterchef.
Yes, I realise how sad this makes me sound.

At 7pm we sit around, confused because we don't know what to do with ourselves. Masterchef where are you? Please come back.

Recipe for a perfect day.....

There's a challenge over at Blog This for your recipe for a perfect day. This is mine....

1 husband, highly co-operative
2 babies (only those who have slept well the previous night)
1 car
1 picnic blanket
picnic lunch
copious amounts of chocolate


Pre-heat day to sunny and pleasant (25°-28°C recommended). Take co-operative husband and well rested babies - place into car and drive approximately 20 to 30 minutes to the beach. Once at beach place every body on picnic blanket. Sit back and enjoy co-operative husband, well rested babies and delicious picnic lunch. For best results chocolate may be placed into mouth at any time. Take a long walk along beach and enjoy. Return home, well rested.


Repeat the above method whenever possible for optimum results (once a month if possible).

weekending

Friday night was crap. The babies didn't sleep much between 12-4am and I just lost track of how many times we got up during the night. On Saturday it was much better and they stayed the night at my parents house while we went out for yummy Thai food and a movie! (and a whole 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep - ahhh).

Today, the babies were delightful - absolutely wonderful. In the morning we took them to the local market where we got a lot of attention. Seeing twin babies is like giving old ladies ecstasy - they grab you by the arm, gush lovey dovey comments about how amazing babies are and act extremely excited. It makes people open up and tell you (in less than a minute) everything about their family. It's kind of insane but it's quite amusing.

In other news.... how fast do babies grow up? I know everyone throws that comment around but it's so true!!!

crazy times

Today was crap due to two little babies not napping like they should and all three of us ending up slightly frazzled and me calling my mum and dad to come help, please!, because Stef works on the other side of the earth and was going to take 3 hours for him to come home (don't ask, his workplace sucks asses!). So my parents show up with beef casserole, rice and warm grandparental arms that mean that even a shitty grumpy baby (or TWO) is an awesome one and it helped me out immensely.

My mum started watching Neighbours without me (I was trying to console a grumbling maniac in the bedroom) and I came into the living room and ranted a bit too much about how she didn't wait for me because I wanted to watch it too.... blah blah.... sorry mum! I then decided that having a thousand kittens would be less work than having two babies at once. YES IT'S TOTALLY TRUE!

Difficulty, from least to highest:

• 1000 kittens
• 101 Dalmatians
  
• 2 babies
  

My parents were completely awesome tonight. If they had not come over then I would have ended up crying on the floor or running down the street screaming (and eating dinner at an ungodly hour like 10pm). But they saved me - dinner was eaten at 6.45pm, babies were fed, crying was minimal. My mum talked to Julius about pussycats and my dad put a washcloth on his head to entertain George.

It's in the moments like those that I want to say (but never seem to) - thank you guys for helping out. What in the hell would I do without you to call on as backup?

All I want to do is

The babies have a radio in their room that they listen to: a white noise CD Stef made them (when sleeping) and Bay-FM (when awake).

Bay-FM is like the soft -crap - rock station in this town and although they claim to have "Geelong's biggest CD library", I am definitely thinking that Stef and I probably possess that title. The reason why we have that station on is the fact that they have minimal DJ time. If there's one thing I hate - it's hearing DJs jibber jabber on like idiots.

Just like other shitty stations, they play the same songs over and over and over.
And.... every day they seem to play "All I want to do is make love to you" by Heart. Every. Day.

Observe:

It was a rainy night
When he came into sight,
Standing by the road,
No umbrella, no coat.
So I pulled up alongside
And I offered him a ride.
He accepted with a smile,
So we drove for a while.
I didnt ask him his name,
This lonely boy in the rain.
Fate, tell me its right,
Is this love at first sight?
Please dont make it wrong,
Just stay for the night.

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will
You want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
Ive got lovin arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel,
It was a place I knew well
We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
So many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree
Dont try to find me,
Please dont you dare
Just live in my memory,
Youll always be there

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Ive got lovin arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers
All night long
We made love

Then it happened one day,
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
I said please, please understand
Im in love with another man
And what he couldnt give me
Was the one little thing that you can

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long

I am so fucking sick of this song. It doesn't even make sense - I mean.... why the hell would she want to drive around the town looking for someone to father a child (she obviously knows when she's ovulating don't you think?). OK I get the fact her husband or whatever is infertile, but still!

This guy passing through the town ---- is he just passing through? - if so: why is he standing by the road with nothing? And why does he come back to town a few years later? And.... are his eyes the most amazing colour that he would recognise them in a child?

I DON'T THINK SO!

He has no umbrella, coat or car (he was standing by the road remember) so I have come to the conclusion that he's homeless. Hence the drifting back into down a few years later.

So here is my critique:

It was a rainy night
When he came into sight,
Standing by the road,
No umbrella, no coat. - UMM, HOMELESS!
So I pulled up alongside
And I offered him a ride.
He accepted with a smile, - YEAH BECAUSE HE'S HOMELESS AND IT'S RAINING OR MAYBE HE WAS GOING TO MURDER YOU BEFORE YOU OFFERED HIM A SHAG!
So we drove for a while.
I didn't ask him his name,
This lonely boy in the rain. - BOY? OH THAT'S ACTUALLY ILLEGAL! AT LEAST WE HAVE NOW ESTABLISHED IT'S A HOMELESS CHILD.
Fate, tell me its right,
Is this love at first sight? - LOVE? AREN'T YOU JUST LOOKING FOR A SHAG?
Please dont make it wrong,
Just stay for the night.

.....

So we found this hotel,
It was a place I knew well - HUSSY! BEEN THERE BEFORE EH?
We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
So many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
I am the flower you are the seed - WORST LYRICS EVER!
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree - (SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE, LUCKY YOU DIDN'T PLANT TWO TREES! THEN YOU'D BE DESPERATE TO FIND HIM SO HE COULD PAY)
Dont try to find me,
Please dont you dare - WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE WILL?
Just live in my memory,
Youll always be there

...

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers - YOU ARE STRANGERS AREN'T YOU?
All night long
We made love

Then it happened one day,
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes - LIKE HIS EYES ARE THAT AMAZINGLY DIFFERENT?
I said please, please understand
Im in love with another man - LIKE HE CARES!
And what he couldnt give me
Was the one little thing that you can - HUSSY! ...

All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long

I look forward to tomorrow and all the wonderfully crappy hits it brings.

stuffs

Thanks for the nice comments for George (the cat). He was an old friend and I'm really sad he's gone but he had a long and happy life so I guess I shouldn't be too sad. I went and said hello to him on Friday night because I was worried about him - I wasn't able to give him much attention over the last few months because when I was at my parents house I always had two babies nearby. I hate it when people think "oh, it was just a cat, get over it" - but, damnit, cats are good friends. They are also easier to look after than dogs and babies - infact a common thought I had after bringing the babies home was "Oh MY LORD, kittens are so much easier than this!".

My mum was pretty upset about George but she's ok today.

{This is how he liked to sit in the sun}

I hope there's a cat heaven filled with sunshines for you, George! I also hope they serve tuna and let you drink out of dirty fishponds like you used to love doing. I know there's really no kitty heaven, but I wish there were.

Anyway, sorry about all that.

The other George, the baby one, was being particulalrly uncoperative tonight and did not want to go to sleep. Julius did it last night and George did it tonight. So he was allowed to have some cuddles on the couch for 10 minutes and watch a bit of Pimp My Ride before going off to bed. He eventually fell asleep.

Julius has worked out that it's quite easy to slide along polished wooden floorboards and he was going in all directions tonight. So cute!

Ooooooh and in possibly the most exciting news ever - Stef got his drivers license today! He has always claimed that he'd never get it! A collective chorus of myself, his mother, my mother and the fact that we had two babies --- managed to convince him otherwise. I am very proud of him and now have someone I can command to drive to Safeway when we need kitty litter or chocolate.

Replace Haim with Stef, Feldman with me, the babe with two babies, the red sports car for a smallish blue one and the palm trees with some eucalyptus ones and THAT IS TOTALLY EXACTLY OUR LIFE!!!

George (the cat)

I am super sad to say that George (the cat) passed away at the vets today :( I knew he wasn't well, but I didn't think he would pass away so soon.

My family are very very sad, as am I.

I knew George for almost half of my life.

"One cat for $2 or two cats for $4!" the little boy said when we went to look at kittens one Saturday morning when my dad was out of town with my brother and had specifically said "no kitten!".

As if we listened to him :-)

We always regretted not buying both kittens for $4, even though it wasn't much of a special deal.

George, I'm glad you met Bobo & Rusty once (even if you were a grumpy ass that just hid under the bed, hissing).

We love you.

Yes, ANOTHER ginger cat

Boxing day 2005
(a sparrow fell into his lap & he didn't know what to do)

George isn't feeling too well tonight (well, he's feeling ok, but his breathing is a little funny) so fingers and toes crossed for George please!

We bought George in 1994 for $2 and I love him dearly.

Oh, of course I'm actually taking about George the cat and not George the baby.
George the cat doesn't think much of George the baby.

George the cat lives with my parents.
My babies are going to grow up thinking that cats only come in one colour: ginger!

ps: yeah I guess we kind of did name George the baby after George the cat (and a bit of George Jetson too I guess and the fact it's a cute name). I wanted to call him, the baby that is, "Chive" but Stef said a massive NO to that. Fine with me, I said no to his "Zander". As for Julius.... well I know you're thinking Aldi dog food but no.... we just liked the name (it was going to be Jupiter). Luckily both names go together quite well.

pps: we love you George (the cat) - hope you're ok little puddin'

Is it too much to have a shower and then sit down at the computer with a hot chocolate - APPARENTLY IT IS!

Dear darling babies,

Thank you for having a nap (you were very grumpy) but I don't know why it was only for 40 minutes and not longer. I had only just had a shower - first since Tuesday afternoon [shameful I know] and had made myself a hot chocolate with the intent on sitting down and relaxing for half an hour before you woke up again! Problem is though, you didn't sleep long at all and it seems I wasted my brief afternoon break on having a shower. Urgh.

Please, if possible, give me as much notice as you can on how long you intend on sleeping for so I can plan my day.

Love,
Mummy

Yeah OK I know I've just gotta deal with stupid sleeping patterns but I am going kind of insane today and feel like jumping out the window and running away. They keep waking up from 2am onwards (last night I just gave them a feed at 4am and put them back to bed) but I'm still feeling like shitty mcshit times a thousand and it's driving me insane.

Being a housewife sucks sometimes.
Now I'm going to feed them and go for a walk. I have baby food stains all over me but I don't care and will probably blow up at anyone who looks at me the wrong way. URGH.

Crap, I almost forgot my moving to japan anniversary!

Holy shit, I forgot to remember my ten year anniversary of moving to Japan (hey, anything no to go to bed). I cannot find my passport anywhere but I'm pretty sure that on July 15th 1999 I took a plunge into the deep end of life and moved to Japan without knowing much about it. YES THIS MEANS YOU MUST ENDURE ANOTHER RANT ABOUT JAPAN!

I remember the night before I left I sat in the kitchen with my family and we ate home made pâté that my mum had made and our old dog (*sniff*) Odey was there and we fed her bits of pâté on toast. That's about all I remember.

I flew to Osaka and spent one night there before getting the shinkansen (bullet train) down to Fukuoka. I basically had no idea what the fuck was going on for about 6 months! Haha... (hell, I even had trouble pronouncing "Fukuoka" for a little while there). I knew no-one and I knew nothing about Japan. But.... slowly Japan and I became good friends and formed a bond that was almost unbreakable. I taught English and I made good friends - most of whom I still hold dear to this very day. The first time I went with my friends to karaoke I was horrified and didn't even want to touch the microphone, let alone sing into it! Then I discovered gin and soon enough I was hogging that mic like you wouldn't believe!

Susan and our old apartment, 1999.
It was trashed a few years later by 3 guys who moved in after we moved out.
YES CHAND I'M LOOKING AT YOU.

I lived in Japan for a total of six and a half years (5 years + 18 months). It was awesome.
I can say without any regret whatsoever that the last ten years of my life have been the most awesome - eloping, merging surnames with Stef and then having two babies at once was pretty much the best way to top it all off!

I know the next ten years are probably not going to be as action packed as the last ten (umm, I think that would be impossible!) but that's ok. It's really hard sometimes because the itch to go and have an adventure will probably always be with me... but it's more contained now and I just have to accept the fact that Stef, the babies and I cannot whiz on down to YouMeTown or go grab a curry at Coco Curry House... we'll just have to have our own adventures here until I am old enough to take my entorage to Japan and drag the boys around saying "There was a ¥100 shop here in 2003! Where in the hell has it gone to?".

You can see some of my Flickr pics here (Japan pt I) and here (Japan pt II).

This might have been more coherent if I hadn't written it so late.

Happiness to me is....

Of course I'm not going to include the generic things like seeing my babies smile or hearing them laugh....

1. Crumpets with peanut butter - seriously I love crumpets so much. If there was such a thing as a crumpet buffet then I would probably go and eat myself silly.
   
   
2. 8pm+. That's the time that we've put the babies to bed and I can actually relax for a few hours. Of course I do actually need to sleep but then again, I do want time to myself - so it's a tricky balance. Usually time for myself is the winner and then I feel shit the next day. Ho hum.
   
   
3. Watching TV shows with Stef that we both like. Masterchef, Australia's Next Top Model (hahaha, he loved it! Can you believe he actually liked Cassi!?!?!) and hopefully Project Runway Australia (he didn't want to watch it with me last week though *sadface*). We both have shows we like to watch but I love watching shows with him too. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ONCE MASTERCHEF IS OVER?
   
   
4. Making Blogger templates. I'm sorry but I am addicted to making Blogger templates (as you can see from yummylolly.com and acornglue.com) and luckily I have also been able to make myself some pocket money from doing so. See point #5.
   
   
5. Buying crap off Etsy! Oh, I love it! Although I do wish I had a new computer so I could play Sims 3 (I know, I know: with what time?) the reality is that I'll probably keep buying random things off etsy and not save it. Purchases of late include:
   
   
   
   
   
   A wallet but in this paper from Dear Sukie
   
   
6. Chocolate: my name is Sharnee and I'm a chocoholic.

I was tagged by Bethwyn and I'm not really confident in tagging anyone so you can do it too if you want. xx

eyes n stuffs

Genetics fascinates me (my brother was the lucky sod who got the green eyes) but I can't wait to see what colour the boys' eyes are going to be. I think they may stay the same - the same blueish greeny grey that Stef has - but who knows! I think there's a 50% chance they will have brown eyes due to mine being brown and all - but fingers crossed they stay this pretty colour.
Have you seen this eye colour calculator? Stef doesn't really know the eye colour of his parents (a question for the next phone call I guess) but it's really interesting.

Babies got weighed today - George is only 200 grams behind Julius now (he's catching up - there was a difference of 400g ever since birth). Julius is also a little above average in height - but they are all pretty much average in everything. I'm hoping that we'll all be the same height (5'7") and have the same shoe size and the four of us can share shoes. Ha! Yes, Stef and I are the same height and have the same shoe size.

I made white bean puree tonight.
How very Masterchef of me.
Otherwise, I am pretty boring.

google searches - I help out

I guess having the blog title I do (and a fair few references to my boobs) then I am bound to get some interesting Google searches...


show those boobs
baby, I have them out all the time. Just come over to my house... (it's funny that I no longer think of bosoms as sexual objects - possibly due to the fact that two babies are often attached to mine) but even when I see naked boobies on TV I think of breastfeeding and not any sexy things. Not that I used to think sexy things when I saw random boobs before, mind you.

porno candy names
Oh, like Milky Way? Turkish Delight? Cherry Ripe? Bounty? Top Deck?
Oh my... how dirty are some of those chocolates now that I think about it!?


coax with candy
Yep. This is that.


kids getting into vans with candy
Noooooooooo..... don't do it, kids, don't do it!!!!!!!!!!!


woman shooting ping pong ball out of her vagina
Speaking from experience, having a piece of banana shot at you from a vagina was a lot more exciting than a ping pong ball. Why? Because ping pong balls can bounce (and might touch your face or something) and banana cannot.


teased, coaxed, milked !!
Goodness!
I especially love the space between the words and the double exclamation mark !!


i want my nipples to show
Well, simple - if you pull up your top, they will.


pink macaroons
... and a million balloons and performing baboons... give it to me... now


seedy sex shop
Oh, aren't they all!?
Actually, they're not all seedy. Some are like sex supermarkets. However, once you've seen one, you've seen them all (pretty much).


OK, I need to stop stuffing around and go to bed.
xx

too much tv for me?

I should update more.

Tomorrow our friend is coming down to stay and we will either go out for dinner or stay in and watch a whole bunch of Dollhouse episodes (Joss Wheadon doesn't really float my boat but I'll watch it anyway, if not to see where Katya Kinsky from Neighbours went to) and eat pizza. The jury is out on exactly what we will do yet. We will be entertaining said friend due to his birthday... and trouble with ex-girlfriend. Obviously I'm not going to go -too much- into it here but I have never (and will never) understand women that turn insane when relationships end. I'm not talking a really long relationship here, nor am I talking about understandable insane.... but I am talking complete crazy behaviour for someone who's nearly 40 freaking years old with three kids. GET A GRIP, IDIOT! Our poor friend. I am slightly scared that this crazy woman is going to do something really fucked up - yes, worse than breaking into his house at 3am while he was asleep - but I have to remain calm and trust that a grown man can look after himself.
Remind me to make sure that my boys do not date crazy girls when they grow up! Well, I know all girls can be crazy (hey, me too at times) but I mean crazy crazy. You know what I mean.

Stef and I watched Mulholland Drive last Saturday. You know... I don't mind that too much for a Lynch movie. I think it had been long enough since I last saw it to kind of enjoy it. And half the fun was watching Stef watch it. He kept yelling WHAT THE FUCK? at the TV and then I'd say sorry I made you watch this movie and he'd then say Oh no, I love it! It's the most awesome movie ever!. It was the perfect evening for a movie such as that.

And I'm so very sorry to disappoint, but I got sucked into watching the Sex & the City movie (shammmmme on me) which was, of course, utter shit. They are all old hags and I'll be damned if I want to watch old hags in stupid fancy dresses strut around like show ponies. Also, I find Mr Big really creepy looking and I'm sorry but the plot was stupid. So I guess I watched it for the reasons the average person would watch something like Beethoven's 4th (yes, the 4th instalment in that dog movie saga) ie: because nothing better is on and you've been chained to the sofa by two breastfeeding babies at 5am.

Since I'm on movie-fire here... I also watched 28 weeks later which I also liked (but it didn't go for very long?). I love a good zombie movie and if Mercutio from Romeo & Juliet is going to use a helicopter to chop heads off zombie then yes.... I am going to like this movie even more!

Also, Getaway... a story on Dubrovnik - too soon?

busy bein' busy

I don't know why I haven't updated lately.
Well, OK, I guess I do - not much is happening and I'm not really feeling very inspired for blog stuff. I've been spending my time being as organised as possible - looking after babies, trying to get enough sleep (and failing), making Stef's lunches for work, washing clothes (and face-washers - I go through about 20 of those a day!) and being vomited on. I've felt more on top of things in the last week or two and not feeling as stressed as I was last month. The babies are a constant source of amazement and are changing all the time! Their little personalities are coming through more and more and I'm just in awe of these little teeny people.

They have a lot of nicknames:

Julius:
Chubsie
Chubsie Malone
Chubsie Snr.
Boofer
Julio
Honey Bear

George:
Chubsie Jr.
Little Sausage
Boris Malone
Jorge
Honey Bunny

Julius seems to want to stand up and start walking and talking (and if he were to do so I would expect him to dust himself off and say "that's enough of that baby stuff") as he's quite frustrated being floor bound. George is quite happy rolling around on the ground playing with his toys and jabbering away to himself. Julius wants to grab everything he sees but George is more delicate in both mannerisms and features and resembles a little pixie.

They are so handsome!

Julius has no comment at the request of George

Yes, they are still sleeping together but we do have two cots in the room and they will be seperated in the coming few days (sob, so sad!).

6 months old!

A few days before they were born
(I still can't believe there were two in there!)



7am - January 5th (just before we went to hospital)
yeah I had a pretty bad brown patchy face



a few days old....



6 months old!

Holy cow the last 6 months have gone really fast (but also felt like a lifetime!).

We love our baby gentlemens so much - it's so amazing that you can make two teeny people at once and watch them grow. About a year ago they were 4cm foetuses - bobbing about in my belly. Now they are robust baby mens who like to eat sweet potato, laugh when you kiss them on the tummy and try and grab the cats as they gingerly walk past.

Speaking of which (cats) - if anyone needs a cat magnet, I have one for hire:

"please love us too, daddy!"

The mystery of Bobo

This is going to sound kind of odd, but it's something I think about quite often (because I am a loser who is obsessed with cats I guess) but if I had one wish I would probably use it to know the history of our cat Bobo. How old he is... where he came from... what his name used to be... what he looked like as a kitten etc.

We adopted him from the North Melbourne Animal Shelter in 2005. All we know is that he was about 5 years old and he was found wandering around Frankston. There were only two cats to choose from that day and we chose him! (the other one was a cute kitten but I decided on the puffy full grown man).

He has had many names:
Juno
Boobie
Vlad
Handsome B Wonderful
Bobo
Bobo McSnaggles
Boab
Jame Bond (after Thailand's inability to remember the "s" in James)
Boobilina
Petunia

... but his name is Bobo - but I sometimes call him Boab. I think he has a few aliases at various vets around town, so we'd probably never remember exactly who was when he went there.

He's an inside man who yowls when I go to bed every night until he realises "oh hey, you're all in bed now.... let me join you". In winter Bobo sleeps between Stef and I under the doona and yes, it's very annoying.

He once got crystals in his penis and was in a lot of pain. He stayed in the hospital for a week and cost a lot of money and has eaten very very expensive cat food ever since (and remained penis-crystal free!) but we love him so it's ok.

He's also the most unphotogenic man around. Observe:

and

If I had a load of money I'd take out a full page ad in the paper and say "Hey, if you used to own this cat - we have him now and we just want to let you know he's alive and well and we love him heaps. You can never have him back."

If you hate cats... then I feel very sorry for you.