Grade 6, 1989 - re: lady business

When I was in grade six, we had a visit from nurse Ryan who came to our class to answer all our questions on puberty.

I was terrified of this event because I have always hated anything with audience participation. Add not-yet-experienced-but-highly-feared puberty to the mix and - hello! - welcome to my living hell.

I think we may have been told to have some questions ready for the nurse but the only question I knew I'd want answered was "when will this hell be over?". Honestly, I was so scared of public humiliation. It's not like the nurse was about to pull up my top and say "LOOK AT THESE NEWLY FORMING BOSOMS!", but it felt that bad.

So this nurse was pretty bossy and kind of mental. Just like I feared.

We each had to think of one change that a boy or girl's body would go through in puberty.
You had to get in quick with a response before the only things left were periods, wet dreams (thanks Judy Blume for telling me what those were the year before!), breasts, pubic hair!

I got in earlyish and said "hair growth".

"Where?" said the nurse.....

"Uhh, under the arms" said 12 year old me. Terrified and thankful I'd said something.

Anyway, this story is going somewhere, I promise.

After this group session on girls and boy's bodies, we were split into two groups and got a pretty detailed session on menstruation. The main thing I recall (and I always shall) about this session was the fact that she said period pain is a myth. It didn't exist.

GREAT! (not really understanding what period pain was anyway)

She went on to explain that it's just a myth that women are told, and that they then go on to feel. Psychosomatic, but 12 year olds don't know that word!

This was the best news ever really.  Who knew women were so stupid that they could be tricked into thinking that their pain was real? Silly women. I was never going to fall for that crap. I was going to enjoy pain-free periods forever! We all left on a high and marched straight out of this one into the MMR vaccine area.

Anyway, this woman was a lying moron.

That's the end of my story.

(I still fear audience participation)

See you, Ray. Loved your work.

No doubt some of the things you love rub off on your children (that's how it works, right?) and without a doubt one of my biggest loves was Ray Harryhausen. He died a couple of weeks ago and I was gutted more than I ever recall being gutted by a 'celebrity' death before.

(I was even walking around for hours after I found out exclaiming "Aww man! NO!" to no-one in particular)

This one meant something! This one inspired!

When I was young my parents exposed me to many different films, books and cultures. More than the average child I suspect. They were not all positive ones either - my mum does admit to this day she probably should not have let me watch An American Werewolf in London when I was 6 or 7.

Yeah maybe not a good move but nevermind - I turned out ok. I THINK?

Ever since I was about 10(?), I wanted to make movies. I made home movies for years and also made stop-motion animation with plasticine. Any time my highschool friends had a birthday, I would make them a video. With a pretty shitty video camera, I did some cool stuff. I even went onto University to pursue this love, but it never really amounted to anything except an excellent hobby.
I would have burst if things like YouTube, Final Cut Pro et al were available then.

My editing back then involved the video camera plugged into the VCR and my finger on the pause button.

Ray Harryhausen was a massive part of all this.

Somehow, George and Julius got onto Harryhausen (ok, not an accident, I showed Jason and the Argonauts to them a couple of years ago!) and they are massive fans. Like, even bigger than me. Julius is somewhat confused though because he said he was going to eat his dinner to get big muscles like Harryhausen. Umm...

Watching Jason and the Argonauts for the first time

They also play "Harryhausen" which involves taking toy animals and dinosaurs into the sandpit.

My favourite Harryhausen creation is Talos (above).
George's is Medusa (although he's scared as much as interested)
Julius' is the Wooden Lady (aka: the figurehead on Sinbad's ship who comes to life).
Stef's is Medusa too.

A few days before he died, we had stopped at the traffic lights and George yelled out, "HEY! There's Ray Harryhausen!" about an old man crossing the road. We laughed.

See you, Ray. I'm sorry you never knew about us, your biggest fans.

Adventures with Joan

My parents went away a few days this week, and when this happens my grandma is close at hand to help (not that my mum is hovering around me at all times anyway). I kind of like my grandma helping. I think she is less judgmental than my mother - did I say that? - and isn't always harping on about baby boomer stuff like my mum is.

BOOOORING.

On Tuesday Aladdin was on at the cinema. I thought about going but didn't think I could take two 4yos and a baby to the cinema by myself (no prams allowed). As I was having a shower at 9am (movie started at 9.40am!) I thought to myself "BUGGER THIS, I WANT TO GO!" so I jumped out of the shower and called my right hand woman, Joan. She lives about 30 metres away so we could communicate via yelling if we needed to.

I explained that it was late minute and a bit crazy, but did she want to come and see Aladdin with us? Like in 15 minutes.

YES SHE DID. So we went and it was awesome.
I don't think she had been to the cinema for a long long time though.  She enjoyed it!

Today she came up to help me out and she carried up her VCR and a video tape of Power Rangers she taped in about 1994-ish? For the Power Ranger obsessed people in the house. Ahem.

(I know it's terrible - I shouldn't have let my 83 yo grandma who weighs about 35kg carry a VCR down the lane)

Joan from the past even cut out the commercials with the pause button (so considerate!) for George and Julius' viewing pleasure. Although she didn't know it when she did that 20 years ago!

When I was growing up I spent a lot of time at her house. After kinder. After school. Sometimes overnight. It's a house I feel completely comfortable and safe in, just as I believe a grandparents house should be! Now I have my own house - which I would have passed 100s of times in my youth - and it's kinda nice.

Megazords are driving me mental!

From the moment my sons wake up, to the moment they go to sleep, all they want to do is play with their Power Rangers (YES! They are still around) Mega Zords!

Damn, these things are so annoying (but it's super cute how much they love them).

You can't quite see it in these pics, but each one is made up of various interlocking pieces that make up the bigger Zord. And you can mix and match these bits and create some crazy shit.

For example, the two above can be combined into this:

Honestly, it's crazy. The bigger the thing you build, the more precarious it becomes.

I just have to document this now before I forget forever.

Here is Julius playing with it....

 

And hey, who's this lady also playing/building/fixing it? She looks pretty excited!

AFTERTHOUGHT:
I just read this and - fuck - it doesn't sound like a sponsored post does it? NO it's not. Unless you mean sponsored by my sanity because I have to make and re-make these fuckers every 5 minutes. I just want to look back and say "OH HO HO, remember that megazord bullshit?"